Listen to people but do things your way, imagine making a mistake that isn't even yours. Being authentic means being yourself, being present, and being truthful. Using people's fear keep them under control, take the risk of facing your fears to minimize them. You can't solve a problem of the mind with the mind, you have to do physical things. A 5 minutes walk will clear your mind. Self-betrayal became a pattern because we grow up doing so to stay connected to your parents, friends, and the world. The only way to be free is not to modulate your behavior based on others' reactions. Discernment is key in a relationship, you don't need to share everything but shouldn't hide anything either. There is no place for fear and shame, vulnerability will make you feel both safe and trustable. If you don't reveal yourself to your wife, you're not present and leave room for interpretation. Different times call for different mindset, balance "make it happen" with "let it happen". You eventually get sick of yourself as everything is about you, even your kids. Stop looking at your stats and start looking at how you can be useful by serving something bigger than yourself. You are less anxious when you think about giving. External validations will not fill internal voids. Liberate the emotions that you hold on to and that create mental distortions to feel everything fully and be truly present.
David SutcliffePeople pleasing means being a liar without authenticity. You are not supposed to find yourself, you are supposed to continuously self-invent through playing and learning. Having feelings should not feel weird, nor should considering yourself first, nor should receiving what you need. Be your first priority. People pleasing de-prioritizes important things for you, especially your emotions and your health, burning you out day by day. Emotions and logic don't mix well, take time to sit on hard decisions, especially in the beginning. As soon as you see malevolence in someone, run away from them.
Nick PollardYou are not an exception to the rule. We spend most of our lives learning firsthand the most important lessons that the previous generation already warned us about: money won’t make you happy, fame won’t fix your self worth, worrying is not improving your performance, fears are a waste of time, etc. If they’re so basic, why does everyone so reliably fall prey to them throughout our lives? If you interview a billionaire who says that all his money didn’t make him happy, the internet will tear them apart for being ungrateful and out of touch. Not only do we refuse to learn these lessons, we refuse to hear the message from those warning us about them.
Chris Williamson