The whole point of youth sports should be for kids to have fun, learn, develop, and want to come back and play again next season. Childhood obesity is through the roof, there is a legitimate teen mental health crisis, screen time is increasing, outdoor play is diminishing. We need youth sports more than ever, but not the current version. Youth sports should be about developing a positive relationship with physical health and fitness. Instead of feeling energized and excited for the next season, kids are burned out before they reach their teens. Factors driving kids to quit sports are loss of joy and fun, an excessive focus on winning, perceived parental pressure, fear of failure instilled by a parent or coach, and comparison. Norway doesn’t allow for official scorekeeping until the age of thirteen, favors local leagues until at least middle school, doesn’t allow trophies unless everyone gets one. Those who reached world-class practiced multiple sports during their youth, accumulated less overall formal practice, and initially progressed slower than national class peers. The fire has to come from within and early success often pulls young people away from this inner drive, as their intrinsic drive gets replaced by external validation and a need to please and impress others. Praise effort, character, and teamwork; not results. Authoritarian parenting style leads to more misbehavior, worse discipline, lower levels of motivation, an inability to regulate emotions, and diminished resilience. If you want your child to be resilient, you must let them figure out how to navigate difficult situations and muster their own courage and drive, and give them the support and tools to do so. Over-controlling adults led to decreased motivation and increased burnout for children. Make sure your kids play because they enjoy it, not because they see you enjoying it, and thus want your attention and love. Love your kid, not what they are doing. The car ride home is the most important part as it is the end of the event, support your child no matter the outcome rather than lecturing him. Teach your kid to lose well as losing is a part of life. If we won every time, there would be no point in playing the game and everything would be boring. It’s okay to cry, it means you care and it’s good to care. But did you also have fun? If your kid is going to be an elite athlete, they’ll wind up there on their own so avoid spending your life obsessing over how to give your kid a leg up. There is a cottage industry of youth gurus promising performance, scholarships, and more. What actually leads to elite performance is good genetics and loving the game. Be sure that even if they do play on a competitive team, it is still a fun-first environment. If all the kids play travel sports starting at an early age, then there will be nobody around the neighborhood to play freely on the weekends. Your support should be unconditional. Environments where athletes feel supported and cared for lead to increased motivation, happiness, and even enhanced performance. Resist the urge to step in and don't transmit your anxiety to your kid. Always support your kid, but also let them figure out how to independently navigate the challenges that come with sport, apart from eventual bullying and severe harm risk.
Steve Magness