You live so much but experience so little, you see so much but notice so little. We are porous: inner voices are internalized outer voices and the same applies to feelings and expectations. When you want to change yourself, remember that it takes more time than you thought. You wouldn't expect to master a new language in a few months, would you? The more you can define things using words, the more bearable life gets. Language is more of a problem than communication. Your inner voice doesn't announce itself as such, you have to seek it using sentences to complete. You are penetrated by society through language and more, only focus on what matters to you. Being mature means thinking and acting as you wish, not as you were culturally raised. An adult painting like a child is not the same as a child painting because the reasons are different. Simplicity isn't bad, not everything is in the art piece, you have to do your part and bring yourself in it. Love is terrifying. Second and third order emotions are due to the fact that you can't accept your first emotion, accept the sadness or disappointment of the moment but try to work on your natural emotions over time. It is easy to know oneself in half, to get the headline but not the body, but complete self-understanding takes work. Many of the things in your mind are compressed and require time to express fully, don't rush your experiences. Don't be a maniac, don't replace an emotion with another, think about what's bothering you instead hiding in distractions. Gym and meditation are better than inactivity but don't replace therapy as you can't see very obvious things about yourself. Therapy doesn't require you to be kind to the therapist, be fully yourself, you've paid for it. Politeness isn't being fake, it is being kind and civilized. You don't need to be perfect but to understand how you are imperfect. You should recognize and applause emotional maturity more than you do birthdays. The advices you would give to your younger self are the one you need right now. Smile at life's absurdity, we're all idiots with human limitations. Be relaxed with your blindness and playful rather than serious. Jokes are beautifully wrapped pessimism and dark humor is a relief. Melancholy is tragedy well handled. Being able to grow together, away from your childhood wounds, as a couple, is rare and exciting. You don't choose what you love nor what you find difficult. Marriage went from being arranged by parents to being arranged by feelings. When did your current behavior that doesn't make sense now did make sense, and what changed since? The truth is sometimes tough but always better than you expect. Do not be afraid of the reasons behind your choices and actions. You need a complete orchestra of ideas to build a well-stocked mind, you can't live fully with only a few selected concepts. The world requires multiple tools to be understood. Complexity of mind implies not connecting with everyone easily. Pay more attention to what's on your mind and what you feel. Research is me-search.
Alain de Botton